I can't believe that 2013 is already here. Where did the last year go??? So much has happened over the past 6 months. I haven't made a post on here in a long time because, quite frankly, I didn't have anything good to write about. My life has changed dramatically since my last post in May of 2012. There has been so much heartache, so much pain and, above all, so much uncertainty. But with trials come triumphs. And with each new challenge, comes an opportunity to overcome.
I've learned a lot of things in my life the hard way. I don't know why I've had to deal with so much adversity, but at the end of the day I have to look inward and say,
"How did I get here?"
"What can I learn from this?"
and most of all
"How can I move forward with my life and start again?"
It's in the face of adversity that you are able to see people's true colors. You find out who is really there for you, and who you can really depend on. I found out that I have some absolutely incredible and awe-inspiring people in my life. My family, bless their hearts, have been with me through thick and thin...and there has been a lot of "thin" in recent months. I have never once doubted their unwavering love or commitment to mine and Hadley's happiness. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude, or find the words to explain the incredible rock that they have been for me. Standing by my side... accompanying me through Hell and never abandoning me. In every way possible, they have supported me, loved me and taken care of me and my child. And I will never ever forget that. I am so truly blessed to have such a wonderful family and I love them more than they will ever know.
My friends...my dear sweet friends...at Higginbotham and throughout DFW....they rallied around me and did everything they could to help me in every possible way. I am taken aback by the incredible outpouring of love and concern that I have received. From offering me a place to stay when I was afraid and alone, to offering me a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold, to hosting an incredible first birthday party for Hadley and making me feel like life was indeed worth living...and showing me what really matters in life. Encouraging me to hold on, to press forward...to have faith. I love them more than I can ever say, and my words are a cheap replacement for the deep gratitude and emotion that I have in my heart for them. Thank you...thank you for being there for me when I needed you most. I will never, ever be able to repay you for the kindness that you have shown to Hadley and I...but I want you to know how much you mean to me.
Upon reflection of my life and of the things that matter most, I realize that I am truly blessed. This evening as I held my daughter in my arms and rocked her to sleep I paused for a moment to take it all in. Her tiny hand in mine; her sweet head resting on my arm. Her chest rising and falling with each breath as she was swept off to sleep, content in Mama's arms. This is what it's all about. This was worth everything. I would go through it all again...every last heartbreaking moment...to be able to be here right now, to have this sweet little girl in my life. She's everything I have ever wanted and more. And for that I know that I'm the luckiest woman in the world.
So what's next? Well, that chapter is still unwritten. All I can do is keep praying, keep moving forward, and keep living my life the best that I can. I believe that you reap what you sow, and I want to live my life in such a way that only good things go and come. 2013 is going to be a great year! I found out that the Pantone Color of the Year for 2013 is Emerald...my birthstone. I want this year to shine brightly for me and for everyone around me. It's not often that life gives you a second chance at happiness, and as God as my witness, I will not waste it!!!
With love, gratitude and a hopeful heart,
Brooke
